a new year im not looking forward to..

the original post.. was an angsty one.. one about people leaving church for another.. one about how i think their reasons are just their own self-justification, in their attempt to make themselves feel good about leaving, and not proper reasons..

they dont owe the church anything, they dont have to stay.. but they havent done what they should to make it a better place for them.. they just want to go to a place where their choice of fruits are given to them on a platter..

then i thought about it.. what's the point of ranting.. it does nobody any good.. and after all.. i did start this new blog, promising not to talk about anything angsty..

so i reflected..
am i really that bad a leader that so many under me wants to leave?
am i really blind to something that they see and i dont?
even though we are serve wholeheartedly without a return in mind, can the reason of "its only fair that i get something back in return" a proper reason?

do i feel a sense of unfairness.. yes.. but.. all things happen for a reason..

i may not see it now.. i may not see it in a few years.. but im sure someday, God will show me why things have come to this..

pray that those left behind.. will find the strength.. to overcome this..

its really not that easy..

part of what i do at work includes looking at customers complain and attempt to do some form of service recovery. its only been 5 months and i have read so many different complains and replying to them. many times, I wonder if its really that hard to get things right with the customers. i mean.. you just have to keep smiling and ignore all the negative things the customer may say..

today.. i was corrected.. it really isnt all that easy..

i was at an outlet today and for a long while, i was tending to customers who wanted to redeem the free food we are giving out. due to some operations mistake, the waiting time for some people were an hour (cant believe people are willing to wait an hour for something that is worth $1.. Singaporeans..).. so I had to "send" this lady to go window shopping and come back an hour later to collect. (by which she already asked what was holding up the redemption in an irritated tone) so 1 hour later, it just happened that i gave away the current batch.. and this lady had to wait another 10mins for the next batch.. i tried asking her to take a seat and wait for just a short while but she decided to walk away.. but not before muttering something sarcastic even though i tried to explain she wasnt the first few in the queue anyway..

as she walked away.. i cant help feeling irritated.. and even shook my head in disbelief.. its a good thing she didnt see me do it.. if not.. i would soon have to deal with a complain on me..

flyers.. that's a first

this is not about the place where tourists are all forced to go when they visit Singapore.. but speaking of that, just earlier this month, i went to "take a ride" on the Flyer. Thanks to Mcdonald's and the monopoly contest, I won a 1 for 1 ticket to the flyer... no way would I pay the full amount.. but if its half.. might as well..

well.. the 30 mins didnt feel that long.. nor was it really boring.. but it is still one of those things most ppl probably only do once in their lives.

now.. back to the flyers.. i had to give out flyers.. for the first time in my life. i have always been a skeptic about flyers.. knowing that most of the time, it doesnt work.. but this time round, we had to do some publicity for a church event..

after this experience.. i must say... ill just help the flyers distributor even if i dont care about what they are giving out.. (i am always those that will say no thanks to flyers.. but at least im much better than those who.. avoid you like a plague.. not even acknowledging you...)

but thankfully.. there are still enough kind Singaporeans.. to help me get my task quickly over..

its been a while..

many weeks since the last post..

many things happened... and i found out that im not that much a people person as i was in the past.. mistakes made that led to... things happening.. certainly dont feel very good huh..

but... after today.. though what has happened cannot be changed.. things seems to be getting better... really good feeling about it..

sebby is such a strange character..

every year. for the past 6 years. i ask myself why, why do i put myself through them. waking up so early. spend the whole day in the sun (or mud and rain in many cases), getting totally burnt, totally tired. and dragging myself out of bed on monday morning.

with every year, the process became harder and harder. especially this yr. i felt myself dragging myself across the finish line: sept 18 and 19. for a long while, i told myself that i'll take a break from frisbee. dunno how long, but for a while at least. i said that yesterday afternoon after when xinhong asked me, in the evening when jeremy asked me.

now that its truly over, a part of me, the weird part wants to be there again next year!!!! what's wrong with me?! i just cannot put it down. and that's what been getting me into "trouble" these past years, unwilling to take a break!

2005: what an eye opener.. i was young and fit then.. hur hur..

2006: sprain ankle caused me to miss one of the biggest game yet..

2007: worst fields yet...

2008: first time as a chuckie! though those are my ex smu teammates.. haha.. dont have photos..

2009: now... with the chuckies..

2010: how time flies...

hmm.. what was i doing?

in what is a new experience, i had my first concussion last thursday. chasing after a disc, i crash into someone coming in from my blindspot. i had my faiir share of collisions, but somehow, this one was different from the rest.


the pain soon wore off and i picked myself up and continued to play. i soon realized that i have no idea what i was doing and what happened during the entire training


i sat down and tried to recall what happened. for a long while, there was nothing. slowly, i started to rem the things before the collision. however, till today, that half an hour after being knocked, it seems like it will remain a blank for the rest of my life.


i asked debbie if i was walking around aimlessly while playing that short while after, but she says i was quite normal. so it seems like i just cannot rem things.


symptoms of concussion that may appear in the days/weeks after and have appeared.
giddyess - a slight one that comes and go
headache - a slight one that just... appeared today


hopefully that's it.. nothing more..

goodbye singapore and hello nanjing

today marks the last day of the YOG. and sadly to say, i was involved in no way. quite disappointed that i didnt even get to watch one competition.

though a lot of people made noise about how it was organized, how much they spent and how Singaporeans are not supporting it and are forced to it. truth is that these people only know how to make noise. they will never suggest proper methods to improve it. they complain so much, but dont want to step up to do it, to make things different. they are so unhappy, but yet, you ask them to move to another country, not many will. empty seats, but then again, these people are so bo chap about others that even if you dangle a carrot of their choice for them to go, they wont, and just stay home and complain how empty the seats are.

on the other hand, it is not true to say that singaporeans are bo chap. walking past toa payoh stadium everyday, i will always see people queuing up, hoping to get tickets, be it early in the morning, or in pouring rain. how about the little girl that cried because her mum bought the tickets to the previous day instead? there are so many of these, but because these people arent as noisy as those grumbly folks.

how i wish i was younger, being a youth olympic athelete just looks so.... fun. competiting in your favourite sports, staying at a village with friends, meeting other atheletes from all over the world, take part in cultural exchange activities. these experiences, i bet these youths will keep with them forever.

if only i wasnt working. i would be a volunteer! it looks mighty interesting and fun too. get to make new friends, learn and see all the behind-the-scene stuff. how often would one get to be a mascot for a worldwide event? raise flags of other countries? helping to present the gold medal? making the games village more happening?

guess my chance is gone.... cross my fingers... and hope that... when the time i retire... the games will come back to singapore!

the architect

with inception still in many people's mind, the age-long question about dreams surfaced again. not so much the things that happen in movies, but questions like "do people dream in colour or black and white?" or "what do dreams mean?". from what i hear, not many people can remember what they dreamt about with studies saying that 70% of dreams are forgotten the moment you wake up.

strangely, i am one of the rare few who seem to be able to remember their dreams, usually not all, but a lot more in detail than most people. so the dream that got me thinking this morning, is that in this dream, it seems like i have a good friend, who has features that belong to no one I know or met. Though most are forgotten, the vague memory of some of the features really make me wonder.. if i know nobody like that, how did my brain make it up? who is that architect that created that in my head??

Mash Ups

What is a mash up? It refers to the mixing of two different media into one. For e.g., mixing two songs into 1 (such as It's My Life Confession form Glee). But my favourite has always been the mash up for movie trailers. The trendy mash up content would be inception with something else, such as inception and toy story 3 as reported in 8 days. Past popular content includes avatar and of course, the dark knight. There are a lot of misses with mash ups, but once in a while, there's just these awesome ones that are mixed so well that you think they are movies by themselves. Avatar - Pocohontas is not bad, the reported toy story 3 and inception is ok, but still, my all time favourite is still the dark knight and toy story. If you havent seen it, please click below, its awesome.

routines

ever been to raffles place mrt during the morning peak? first thing that comes to mind would be with every rumbling of the train into the station, it releases a mob of people, seemingly doing the same things, brisk walking out of the gantry up the escalator into the sun above. somehow, i always picture these people as cattle, all being lead by a shepherd dog up the escalators.


weekday mornings for many are pretty much routine. the sleeplovers will find themselves reaching out for the snooze button time after time (carol, that sounds like you right??). the morning lovers will wake up at a time i would use the term "crazy", go for a walk, sit down for breakfast and newspaper.

 just like most others, mine is pretty much routine too. not a person that snoozes (not that i can if i wanted to), i'll start the day with the newspaper, to get myself woken up. leaving the house at exactly 8am, heading to toa payoh for my bus to work. unfortunately, buses do not always follow routines, so some mornings, my bus would be nice and empty, other days, i would find myself having to stare at people who doesnt want to move into the end of the bus.

 often, during this morning ride, i would meet 2 people, who morning activities seem to be routined to. judging by the cover, there's this guy, who appears to be the not so educated one. always dressed in a old looking polo tee, this guy with bengish greasey reddish hair would be at the bus stop, reading the morning copy of 'my paper'. he will get on the same bus as me, and get off at the same bus stop too. in many ways, one would hardly describe him as gentlemanly. but God loves to teach me lessons, such as in this case not to judge people by the cover. true, his dressing and style is not gentlemanly, but surprisingly, on the bus, he showed that he is much more gentlemanly than those prim and properly dressed men and ladies. with a whole bunch of them stuck in the middle of the bus, he was the only one who moved to the rear of the bus. the rest, seem to be afraid that they won't be able to get off the bus, insist on glueing themselves to the exit area.

 person 2. i doubt i will notice her, if she didnt look like a friend's friend. but with the many routines bus rides, i noticed that she is always (like every single time) on the phone. but i also noticed that within the 15mins till i get off, she will hardly speak to whoever is on the other line. seems like her routine every morning is to call this person and listen to him/her, and this person's daily routine would be to keep talking back to her. well.. i could be wrong, she could be talking to nobody, but i highly doubt so.

play actors..

its official. singapore has just lost the semi final soccer game to haiti. before i go any further, credit to them for beating what was considered the favourites. singapore cannot blame anyone but themselves.. but then again, i think credit must go to them for going so far.


im sure it was really emotional for the haiti players, after overcoming the earthquake and stuff. but really, their spirit of olympics was really absent. they won, but at what cost. most of them probably wont have any future in soccer if what they displayed was anything to go by, most of them would have to go back to a land that is still devastated. but they should consider going hollywood, cause it seems like most of them have a passion for acting.


clutching faces when contact was nearer the legs, rolling around when hit and that same hit would probably not be able to crack an egg.


the president of the internationl olympics committee said this in the opening ceremony. it easy to be first, you just need to cross the finishing line first, but being a champion is a whole different thing. hopefully, they can do their country proud in the finals, not just much in terms of results, but in terms of their behaviors.

one moment of sillyness

with a address such as silly sebby, i do have to live up to some expectations huh? with a history of silly acts that joey (from friends) would be proud of, though i must say not at the same frequency as him, nowhere near.

so, a recent rather silly act occured, and someone suggested that i should post it here.

so for those that doesn't know, i play ultimate for a local club known as chuckies and we train thurs sats. so last sat, the sky decided to unleash itself.  its been ages since i played in such wet and cold condition. my hands can barely sweep the water fast enough from my eyes to prevent it from obstructing my view. every moment not moving allows the chill to move up and down the spine. every lightning and thunder combination sends chilling thoughts to the head, about how a frisbee player once died while playing ultimate in singapore.

anyway, the rain stopped not long after, leaving behind pools of water that resemblance more of a vietnam padi field than a frisbee field. i am never the most comfortable on the disc, and even more so during wet conditions. picking up a turnover, i took special care and effort to dry the disc while walking to the line. next thing i know, i dropped the disc back into the puddle while trying to switch hand, much to the delight of xinhong, who cant stop laughing at the sideline. i was trying to stopped her from laughing anymore, so much so that i forgot to concentrate on passing the disc.. and it fell short. to make things even more pathetic, i layed out, miss the disc, the opponent scored the final point of the day, and i went home with  more serious than usual scratches that bleed and remain wet for a long time.

well.. the good thing is i found this whole thing rather amusing.. rather than feeling pathetic..

Lyo and Merly

so i was talking about walking past this kindergarten a few post ago. this short 10 mins walk i have to complete every morning to get to my bus stop. it may seem like a short journey, but other than the kindergarten, my next inspiration occured during this 10mins.


so this journey, after the kindergarten, i have to walk along a narrow path, sandwiched by a really big canal that is always full of water, and the building that used to be my primary school (which has become global indian school since). crossing an overhead bridge next, which covers the width of the canal, and 8 lanes of expressway. at the end of the bridge is the start of toa payoh "sports hub" (i came up with the name.. hehe..). right here you will find the stadium where i spent 9 years of annual sports day, plus 3 years of 1.6km run. also here are the table tennis association, indoor sports hall, and rather newly renovated swimming complex.


at the end of the bridge, you can actually see the inside of the stadium, and the swimming complex. and today, it hit me that i have been looking at how the youth olympics set up has been developing without realizing it. it took a couple different nations' flags to remind me that the youth olympics is just round the corner. from empty spaces, now there are fences, information booths, security counters, tentages, sighboards, ticket booths and many other things occupying the used to be familiar path. kudos to the committee who got this going! (including the one that asked me for my resume when she was desperate for ppl to work and totally ignore me after that) things look really good.


so.. i been reading about how it seems like singapore in general arent too interested in the YOG and the ministry of education is doing all the purchasing of the tickets for the students. i thought, i should really support this event right? we dont need everyone to be interested in it. i think 1 out of 10 people would be decent enuf, and i can be that 1. sooo... came home and check to see if i can get tickets for the events that im more interested in. turned out. almost everything is sold out! at least those i can make it. oh well..


oh.. so what is Lyo and Merly? they are the official mascotts of this youth olympics.

cliffhangers

2 leonardo di caprio movies in the last 2 weeks, 2 cliffhanger type ending. first it was inception, then followed by shutter island. endings that do not tell you what is really going on, but keep you on your toes, keep you guessing.

with no influence from that two movies, i did a cliffhanger here too, much to adeline's displeasure. i remember it quite well, since it was accompanied by a smack on the head.

so i was talking about leadership camps. on hindsight, i realized i am someone who enjoys camp a lot, either being a participant, or being one of the organizers. strangely so. for those who don't know yet, im a very fussy sleeper. meaning, the conditions i need before i can fall asleep is so so so strict. if im not in my bed, you can rest assure that i wouldnt be catching a lot of sleep. if im not in a bed at all, chances are, i'll be entertain by the snores of the night, waiting and looking out for the first light.

anyway, the camp i was referring to would be when i was a facilitator in the freshman leadership and teambuilding camp in 2005. being a post year 1 student, with very few friends in smu, i somehow convinced myself to sign up to be a faci alone. the day came when the facis-hopeful had a camp of their own. to test out the activities, to see if every hopeful has the potential to be a effective faci. many times on the night before, i wanted to just pull out. dread going for such things alone, since im someone who really hates the beginning of socializing.. all the small talk.. all the awkwardness.. by some act of God, i turned up at bukit gombak bright and on time. things will get better? nah.. not yet. i was put in a group which has already cliques of their own. and to make matter worse, they werent the most welcoming people. somehow i survived.

the plan was that, the group you were in during the trial camp would be the group you are working with on the actual camp. somehow, i was switched to another group. there i met alina, who created the name that is so in tune with my branding, the creator of "sebbie". one cold morning in the auditorium. a seminar was going on, teaching us how to facilitate. a bored alina, who only sat beside me because she came really late, stole my notes, and wrote "sebbie" in big colourful fonts on the top. that's the start of it all.. and somehow, the branding caught on, and to some level, i think that nickname somehow gave other people an impression that i was much more approachable than a sebastian. how that brand spread, with a few different spellings over the year (sebby, sebbie, sabby). with the help of amy, most of everyone calls me by that now, smu friends, smu ultimate friends, church friends, chuckies friends.

though no empirical research was done on sebbie and his approachability, i do believe that it has made a difference in my life. with the name, i think i has also become a less serious person.

haha. not the kind of part 2 huh.. but its still enlightening right? now you know why you call me sebby.. heh..

its not over tonight..

"it's not over tonight, just give more 1 more chance to make it right... i may not make it through the night, i wont go home without you..."

this song always reminds me of my previous job. for all who don't know, just not too long ago, i was still a trainer. my main audiences were school kids of various ages. so one of the things i conduct are leadership workshops, and camps. if you go behind the scenes, parents will wonder why are such workshops costing so much?! hahaha..

anyway, my ex colleagues, always use this song at the end of teambuilding camps, after they done "colours of life". colours of life is this exercise, where everyone goes around and write nice things about one another on their coloured paper. it is suppose to give people the rare opportunity to appreciate others. my ex boss will always start with this story.. it goes something like this:

"i was walking towards my class, when i past by this classroom. it was a P1 class, and the teacher wasnt around, so there was this small boy in front, with a chalk in his hand. behind him, there were names on the blackboard. he continues to write down more names even though the class was very well behaved. so I waited, till i get an opportunity to talk to that boy. so i asked him what was his secret to the class being so well behaved, he said that all he did was to write down the names of people, who behaved on the board. as leaders, we often just point out people's mistakes, the bad things people do. how often do we, like the P1 kid, take note of the good things people do?"

till today, i dunno if that story is true, but to some extent, i do believe that it inspired quite a few people. anyway. like i said, if you ever go behind the scene, you will be amazed that such workshops actually... managed to inspire some, if not all students. anyway, back to that song. one time, that i seen it with my own eyes, that it actually got everyone closer, was during this kent ridge sec leaders' camp...

from a bunch of misfits working on their own, how they come together in just 2days and 1 night, is just really good to see. and to end with colours of life, with people hugging, crying, jumping, singing along. even if it was just for a short time period, i think it will make a difference to their life....

like how... one teambuilding camp, seems to have changed my path along life completely... (to be continued... hehe..

in a sleepy little town far far away..

took a wrong turn and found himself going down a deserted road all by himself. speeding up to find his way back to the big road, he caught the attention of a police car. he panicked. speeding recklessly, he found himself in a little town, and destroying that only road that goes through it.

that's how he found himself in that little town of radiator springs. ring any bell? this story isnt about me, but, i just caught disney pixar's car. big shot found himself in one of those little american town. so small that only 1 road runs through it, and there's only like 1 of every kind of shops selling very basic things. in the case of this show, just a petrol station, pub, motel, tyre shop, organic petrol and a very small town hall.

people always talk about retiring to some quiet and slow pace town. i always picture something like that. going somewhere where the pace is slow, and you can do whatever you want to. but being a city boy, even in the small country of singapore, i have always, for the past 27 years, stay not more than 15mins from the city center. i dont even experience the slower pace and much greener little "towns" such as sengkang, as someone told me. the thing is, i dont think i can ever adapt to a slower life. i love the fact that i can get to everywhere in the country easily, the fact that my house is near the intersection of the 2 most important expressways, the fact that i can find everything in the shops and malls nearby, the fact that family and friends are not far away.

i think i really cannot move out of singapore. even 1 year ago, i was given a very decent opportunity to work in vietnam for at least a year as a management trainee. and half a year before that, i just visited vietnam, and i must say i had a really enjoyable trip. but, the idea of moving to somewhere that is slower, that is so far away from some where that im really familiar with, felt really weird. with that, i turned down that offer.

i always admired my friends, who can easily go to various countries to work. they are so adaptable, so independent. im sure i wont die outside singapore, im street smart after all.. hahaha.. but will i really enjoy it... im guessing no.. but i think i would never find out.

bread of life

in the middle of sengkang, right beside compasspoint, there is this still rather new and clean kopitiam foodcourt. when it first opened, i remembered it was packed with people and stalls. singaporeans being singaporeans, everything new also want to be part of it.

soon, the crowd starts to get thinner, and following that, stalls start to close down. turns out that rent that is like $5000 a month.. according to huimin of course. turned out that because kops (as how smu students call kopitiam) has an outlet inside compasspoint, they have to win the bid to operate at this foodcourt so as not to lose business to other operators. we all know what happens when a company go all out to win a bid for something, look at the BPL (barclays premier league for those who are still in the EPL days) bidding by singtel. so, in a random conversation with huimin today about rents, along with the confused look when we tried to do the math, turned out that rent per day is 166... and not counting other costs... that is 47 plates of ba chor mee.

back to the topic. so, after months of seeing this stall being vacant, some bakery decided to set up shop. the name of the bakery is "Bread of Life" and on their sign, they wrote the bible verse (John 6:35) where they found the phrase "Bread of Life". although im not suppose to judge a book by appearance, I tried and guess if they were christians. for some reason, im under the impression they arent. the point is, they have totally used the wrong phrase if they look at the context. in that verse, the idea is that we follow Jesus who is the Bread of Life, we dont have to worry so much about where our food is coming from as we will never go hungry (non-christian friends, if you are interested, i can elaborate... hahahaha). i really wonder what is the message they are trying to say though..

in other f&b names i encountered, the most "interesting" one would have to be the western food stall in one of the coffee shop at Serangoon Gardens. Taking over what used to be Astons, iSteak (yes... no typo there) took over. i know there's a trend about putting i infront of everything, but previously, i can see some sense in it since it's still in the electronics / technology area... but iSteak? it's really going a little far.

back to the old school..

with me new job, it means i had to get to work in a different way. my new journey requires me to walk past a kindergarten at the next block. how nice and colourful kindgartens look nowadays, compared to the one i used to go.

back in those days, it was just a dark classroom with little else. i remember my favourite item was this A-stand, with paper clipped on it. Beside it are diluted water colour, so diluted that you can barely see any colour on it. And yet, i still bring home every proud art work of mine in the past.

gone are also old rusty windows where parents can look into. now, they are replaced by nice windows, and attached to it are curtains. so that the kids wont be distracted by whatever's happening outside. i still remember, when i was little, i went with my older cousin to her first day at kindergarten. she cried the whole week and i cannot figure out why is that so. soon.. my turn came, well.. i think i gave her a run for her money in terms of duration i spent crying on my first few days in school. sigh.. what a baby..

kindergarten was such stressless days. looking forward to the yummy fish porridge, to the macdonald's birthday party one of the more well off kid's parents organized, looking forward to go home with 3 stars for assignment. maybe, just maybe i'll go back to the kindergarten some day. (not as a student of course..)

Pedro

Introducing Pedro.

This is my not-so-secret room mate, that has been bunking with me for some time.

So what is Pedro? He is a wolf, in sheep clothing! black sheep to be exact. Well, it's more of a funky hoodie than anything else. with a nice little pocket.

He is really a misunderstood wolf. He's really a good wolf. You may ask why then is he trying to pretend to be a sheep? Of course it wasn't to get near to them to eat them. the story is like this. pedro had a difficult childhood, and he didnt have many friends. One fine day, he was taking a quiet walk in the park, and then he saw a group of sheep. He saw how much fun they were having, and at that point, he never wanted friends more. Never had a proper education, he didnt know that sheep run away from wolves. Oh well, he did learn that soon after. The sheep, all looked at him, decided he cannot be trusted, and ran away, refuse to talk to him. (huimin.. your jolly is probably one of them.. hmph) Pedro is not one that will give up easily.

He had a brainwave, and decided to sew himself a nice sheep outfit, complete with a little hoodie. But unfortunately, he did not think about the significance of colours. You see, in the sheep world, a black sheep is always an outcast.

Till today, no one trusts him, no one wants to befriend him. People actually frame him, of being a rapper by day, geylang mob boss by night. There are also rumours going around that Pedro the shoe shop, is owned by him, for him to wash all the money he has in his paws illegally.

Thankfully, his master is a kind soul, seeing his pure heart inside him, giving him a shelter, and a bed.

Not so ranty and rambly anymore?

So. it's almost a year ago, since i last blogged. from being unemployed to being in the 3rd week of my 2nd job. so many things have changed. i'm sure, if i was in the blogging mood any time during the past year, i would have many things to say, about my old job of course. anyway, that is in the past now, and i, never liked history as a subject back in school, shall not bring up history.

all the bad things aside, i did learn a lot the past 1 year. learning to work with different people, manage super tight timelines, and growing the confidence to stand in front of a group of people, and hope to impart something, yet making sure its entertaining.

i have moved on. so here i am, starting something new. hopefully something that is much more cheerful, much more positive.

(but let's admit it.. these's nothing better than rants and rambles.. haha...)

for those who are interested in what i left behind, here it is: http://wildarms7.livejournal.com/